"Annie! What the fuck are you doing?!"

My brother shouts in a split second as I smash into the back of some guy's car. Everything happened so fast, I couldn't even calm down to realize what had just happened. My first car accident, I never thought it would happen like that, I was going down the interstate 5 East highway, jammed packed with cars swerving in and out of lanes trying to get ahead faster, but really there was no where to go. A six hour drive turned into a ten hour drive. Traffic the entire way! Anyway, so the car accident happened, everyone was okay and the car wasn't damaged too bad so it was okay to keep driving home.

I spent the weekend in the bay, Thanksgiving dinner, spa craziness with the boys, hookah, vodka, scary movies, screaming, videos, pictures, megaphones, gay showers, crack in Oakland...I mean seriously, what more could I have asked for?! bahaha. It was fun while it lasted, but I am glad to finally be home, but not so happy about my car accident, but it will pass. I spent way too much money than I anticipated, ugh! However I loved the experience...Next time it will be accident free. bahah. Video coming soon. *-*

"Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

It's times like these...

When even the simplest gesture makes the biggest impact. I will come back to you in a few days with a new blog. Trust.

For now, Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!!!

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy because we will always want to have something else or something more."

Today

Just seems to keep getting worse and worse. I seriously just want to find a spot where no one can get to me and just stay there in isolation for a couple hours, yet, my phone keeps ringing and people keep bugging me. There are things I have to be doing so I can't just disappear right now sadly. =/

Lets hope I don't lose it by the end of the day.

"Even in the darkest of light, our faith & hope will see us through..."

"You got me wrapped around your finger, do you have to let it linger?"

Crushes!! Crushes!! Crushes!! We all have them, we all get one at one point or another and we all take them differently. Some of us crush so easy and fast, some are pretty hard and last for a long time before you even say anything to the person you have a crush on, that is, if you decide to say anything at all. why is it that human interactions are always the hardest, its like we would rather learn heart surgery than talk to the person we like the most or at least admit to them that we have a crush. However, it does suck when we are crushing so bad and so hard, but we know the other person just isn't interested, we feel rejection in a sense and depending who you are, it'll either be easy or hard to let that go. Sometimes it sucks because we develop crushes on friends and we tend to be afraid to ruin the friendship that we do not even attempt to say anything at all, but sometimes we do and depending on each individual it either goes, again, good or bad. Either way, crushes are just crushes, sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don't, but sometimes you just wish this would work out for the best and you get to end up with your crush, meh! Good luck with your crush if you have one.

Remember, just don't be afraid to admit to your feelings, I always tend to think that as long as your honest and you go for it, and even if you fail you can say, "at least I tried." or something along those lines. What do we have to lose? Our pride? Lets just put that aside for a few moments and realize even if we do embarrass ourselves, life will go on, you won't die, you'll live to see tomorrow! So if you have the courage, just go for it! People always like to know they are liked, even if the feelings aren't mutual.

If you're sprung and you know the other doesn't feel the same, just let it go. You have a lot of others who would be willing or eventually will have a crush on you when you are crushing on them too. At least, thats the way I see it.

"Love is more than saying I love you..."

Really, over a parking spot?!

Seriously, when is enough enough? Okay, firstly, the only reason I am bringing up this topic in tonights blog is because it is so absurd that I cannot even believe it myself... Today I came home after class to my mom washing her car. She signals me to park on the street so she doesnt wet my car. I yell "oh come on!" just to mess with her. I get out and basically she tells me something or other along the lines of just don't park in the driveway anymore because Bryant's daughter is bitching and complaining, and that she had gotten into an argument over it. Saying, Bryant said that technically it is his daughters spot cause she parked there first. I'm like wow really, you guys are getting worked up over a parking spot?! REALLY?! It's nonsense! it's just a spot to park in, who cares, I don't! I got worked up ONLY by the fact that this girl doesn't stop, she has no life so she decides to do anything and everything else to cause trouble around our once not so chaotic home. She disrespects everyone in the house, including my mom and thats just not cool, but, at the same time expects everyone to respect her. Come on! She's a thirty year old leach, that sucks the life out of everyone in this house. She mooches off her dad constantly, and he is too much of a coward to say anything to her. I'm sorry, but it's true. She has no goals, no morals, no anything, she basically just wastes air. I know I'm old enough too here as I still stay with my mom, but I don't beg her for money, I don't ask for favors, I do what I can to help her out with anything she needs and on top of that I am going to school full time, I'm a starving student if you will. I appreciate that I still get to stay at home, unlike this girl who just takes everything for granted, who constantly is saying ill things about my family and will do anything to make someone else's day just as miserable as she is. I'm not trying to say our actions and thoughts about her wouldn't be different if she was a little more respectful of everyone around the house, because they would if she acted civilized. However, she is always coming up with something to cause my mom and her dad to fight, or to get my younger brothers into trouble. It's not right and I refuse to have any association with a person like that. Especially one who is thirty, living off of her dad, and has no intention of working, going to school or doing something with her life. All she does is cheat the law, mooch off her dad, bring her dead beat boyfriend around that probably sells drugs as he has had numerous people come to OUR house looking for him, it's fucking unsafe, but she doesn't care, she doesn't have the right mind to care. Everything will fall down on her soon enough and when it does, I won't be surprised, she will deserve everything she gets. Then maybe she will regret coming into my family's home and treating us all like inferiors, but even that I don't expect of her. Sadly, some people just have no sense.

I ran away to tell the world.

"Don't spend your whole life waiting for your whole life...thinking that it's over."

If we are all just living to die or dying to live, then why is it that we spend the majority of our lives WISHING we had done something different, or taken that extra step, but didn't? Life is out there, so lets fucking take advantage, lets stop wishing and start doing. In the wise words of Diddy, LETS GO!!!

"I think were moving to fast..."

Let me start with a short introduction on how I decided to write this particular blog tonight...

I came home to my brother following me into my room, sitting on my bed and saying he has something important to talk to me about..."Annie, I feel bad for this girl" he states. Why? I ask, not really interested in what he is saying as I am unpacking my things from spending the weekend at my brothers house. He replies, "she sent me this text, saying something or other along the lines of she really likes me and thinks about me a lot." ... So, I come back with: "well what's the problem, you don't like her back or what?" As he pipes back, "No, I do, but theres someone else..." He's troubled, wants to know what to do or what I think in general about the whole situation. My main response was basically along the lines of, well if you're okay with hurting her feelings and all then no thats not bad...He said not to make him feel worse! Haha, okay so... I don't know or really care what he plans to do, but it raised interest in my head to write about situations like this.

Infatuation - Noun - A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.

Many people often confuse love and infatuation. I'm always interested in how people fall in love or whatever they tend to fall into and move so quickly. Often times I wonder how the minds of some people work in comparison to my own. I have to remind myself that just because I think and perceive things a certain way doesn't mean everyone or even anyone does as well. Alright, back on track here. There are just so many things running around in my head, it's so busy up there. I see so many things go on and have had some experiences myself, but, sometimes, more often than not, we tend to let ourselves get ahead in the sense that when we find someone that we connect with and feel that there's a remote chance that there could be something more, we feel so elated and high on the feeling. We begin to move so quickly that we do not see or realize our actions in the process. We lose sight of reality and don't stop to really ask ourselves what's going on? We want it all and we want it now. You all know what I am talking about, so my real question is, what happens when that high is gone?! What happens when the things you liked most just blend into one another now and you start seeing things or seeing parts you don't like or really hate about this person you were once so INFATUATED with? You now have this piece of you that you gave up, the part where you know it's going to take a lot more than just a simple goodbye to move on. But, why can't it be that easy? Because you have invested so much time into making something so simple into something so complicated, you have tangled feelings, emotions, time, and even your heart into what may turn out to be something you don't want to suffer through again, because, as you have told yourself time and time again you don't want to put yourself in such situations again where you're up for offerings of getting hurt. However, every time, you do it, you claim this person is the exception, this is the one who is different, this is the one...That may be, but at the same time, how can you know for sure? I guess that's something you have to figure out on your own. So what happens after the high? For most, nothing, I would suppose it ends there...But, for some, I would think that maybe just maybe it's worth the time, to continue on with whatever it is they have, to work towards wherever they want to be with each other. I think the real love comes after the infatuation, after the excitement and after everything has fallen away and you can still say with honesty that you are still truly happy and you would do anything and everything it takes to make it last with your person of interest. What is love, but, loving unconditionally with no expectations of anything in return.

Many of us want to be loved in return. Which, I would have to say is very selfish of us. This world is so screwed up. Nothing is ever what it seems anymore. I thought I was in love once and at times, still think about it and how I really feel about it all, but my anger and hate for the whole situation will not let me perceive things in neutral light. There are no guarantees in life, not by a long shot. The best we can do is hope and pray for the best. We are all free and old and wise enough to make the right choices we feel are good enough for ourselves and if not well just go into the woods and wait to die! Haha.

Furthermore, let us all just be exactly what it is that we want to be, but have been too afraid to admit to. Life is far too short to be living by anyone else's notions but our own.

"Live long and prosper."

your words are like knifes...

At times we reflect and other times dwell. Sometimes, we tend to think about the things that hurt us the most. Someone that hurt us, either, physically or emotionally. Often more times than none, we think about these things, not to cause more pain to ourselves, but to... well sometimes yes to cause more pain, or to remember why we are mad, or angry and to stay that way. Or just for no other reason we can concoct in our head that seems logical enough as to why we are thinking such things. We do it till we get that lump in our throat, that pain in our stomach and that slight loss of breath, that when we think about it, it's as if we stop breathing for just a moment. So much so that we may shed a little tear and then remember we are not supposed to waste feelings on such things...

Why Annie, why are you writing about this? Well I will tell you all. Tonight, as I was online, some thoughts running through my head...I was sad because I missed something, well, I thought I missed something, I became overwhelmed as I sent "sometimes its still hard to think of all that you once had, and realize you just dont have it anymore..." to twitter as one of my many tweets. It's true you know, tell me you have never done this before, that you've never thought about something, and even for a moment felt heavy, because you know it's all gone, even though you thought at one point you would never ever lose it. Poof! Just like that it is no more... Just like that, how is that possible? How? I guess we ask many questions like this, but we seldom ever get the answers we'd like. Instead, we come to our own realizations and answers that usually seem to settle and put us at ease. As people, we must learn many things in life and go through certain events that we will not like, but in this, we learn about ourselves, we find the person, the real person inside of us and wonder how we could have been so foolish. We move on... Relationships, of any kind, come in and out of our lives and the best we can do is just go along with the ride until the next one begins. We shouldn't sit around and dwell, stress and complain about the things in which we cannot control. My friend once told me that just because you let go, doesn't mean you have to forget and the sooner you can let go, the sooner you can move on. I think she was right, thanks Marina ;] I guess sometimes it's just better to let go and enjoy everything for what it was and just let the past be exactly what it is...the past. We are not getting any younger, so lets just live and let live. There should be no wonder about the rest, just let it flow.

"Everything thats supposed to happen, will happen."

I will just leave it at that...

"This isn't easy for me..."

I've spent twenty-five years of my life making mistakes, learning from them, growing, changing, and wishing I hadn't and sometimes had taken that chance/risk/dare/feeling/etc etc. But, I sit here and continue to live, breathe, change, grow and learn from the ever growing experiences in my life. sadly, I've yet to set in stone a purpose in my life, a firm straight line in which I will know leads me to my destiny. However, I doubt thats what I really want or need at this point, it may seem like it to others, but, I suppose the way I am going is the way that is meant for me. I'm going, so in my eyes I am succeeding. "You can't fail if you don't give up" a line in which I've taken to heart since hearing. I believe it.

So what is the point in this Annie? I hear you asking me this already. I guess my point in starting this blog is because I have a mind, I have thoughts and experiences that I suppose I can share with whoever reads this. IDK! A friend commented I don't reveal much about myself, so maybe thats another reason. I suppose to get inside my thoughts, is through my writing. I have a lot to share and maybe theres some experiences that should not go to waste, events that have taken place, memories that will not be forgotten, future events we pray for, moments that take our breath away, moments when were so low not even the happiest face can cheer us up, and even simple moments that need a place, maybe that place is here.

So read if you want...If not, oh well.

When I write, I tend to be the most honest and pure, I say exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. So if you read my thoughts, you have to be willing to have an open mind.

Enjoy...