BLAH

I've had an array of mixed emotions lately, I know, I know array and mixed pretty opposites, but nonetheless they were mixed but in order, if that makes sense, oh well doesn't have to lol. Well in a sense of mixed because theres just different things on my mind, but anyway this has gone on long enough. Anyway, I've been thinking about so much lately, and I guess I will try to use this blog to sort some thoughts out in my head. I was talking to a friend today and she mentioned how hard it is to get over her ex. Which brought about a lot of thoughts on the subject. Why is it so hard to let go sometimes, even when it should have been done so long ago? People cling, they remember, they anticipate the best when all they should expect is the worst from their ex. They hold on to memories that are good and don't see how horrible its making them feel. Why do we want so much to hold onto something or someone that isn't there anymore, especially when the other person could care less. We can't get that back so why keep trying, it's not fair to ourselves to keep putting ourselves through so much pain. It's like we feel if we just don't give up, if we keep pushing and trying then everything will fall into place. However, sometimes we can't even see that the other person has moved on, if thats the case, theres just no point whatsoever to keep going...We can't control other peoples feelings, this is life, so therefore we have to accept it and move on, no matter how hard it is, it's that much harder when we stay in the situation and not allow ourselves to heal. Because, that's all we really can do, allow ourselves to hurt, go through the pain and eventually given enough time depending on the person, we can move on, but you have to actually allow it to happen. Unfortunately, some people just don't see anything else, they allow themselves to continue to hurt and try to  make something once again that is just no longer there. I feel sorry for those people. I know, I was one of them myself. I know how hard it gets, sometimes you can be doing nothing and something random will trigger a memory and for a moment you feel sad, but you can't let that get to you, you've worked too hard to get where you are to let old feelings get in the way of your progress. Eventually you know you have completely forgotten them and moved on when you don't even remember how you used to feel, that, is very hard though, but I believe possible. Haha. Nothing should matter more than the moments you are living right now.

Wow that turned out a lot longer than I thought, being that, I want to touch on one more subject and will call it a night.

I know a lot of people who have siblings and some who just have that awesome relationship with one of their siblings for whatever reasons. I want to touch on the relationship I've had with my brother and what makes us so close. I'm talking about my brother Albert, good thing he doesn't read my blog, I don't want him to think he is special or something, haha, he is just another douche, but I heart the guy. We have been through a lot together and for the most part understand each other. Our personalities are so much alike and sometimes I can't help but just be on his side of things because we think alike [for the most part, of course there are many things we will disagree on]. We hate drama, we don't let petty things get to us, we are very go with the flow, can't really stay mad at anything for too long. We love to joke around and what not. I am talking about all this because sometimes I wish other people were like this as well Well, he has his ways, he can be very stubborn and hard headed, but for the most part how I described him is pretty good. We did so much together growing up and he was always there for me. I never really could make it without him and unfortunately at around the time I was 12 and he was 11 my mom moved him with his father, I don't even know how I survived without him. I didn't have my partner in crime anymore. I didn't have my buddy to do everything we did together. Sneaking out at six am to ride our bikes before our mom woke up. Setting fields on fire as I watched then ran away with him and his friends, then lie to my mom about where we had been. Sneaking out at night on the weekends to play with all our friends. I guess sadly, it goes to me not having anyone else as close to me as he was. He was always there to back me up and help me out, till this day it continues, I'm so close with him because we spent our lives building a pretty solid relationship. One in which I can't even find anywhere else. If I didn't have him around I think my childhood would have sucked that much more... I'm grateful everyday for a brother as great as him and for the wonderful niece and nephew he gave me, I would literally lose it if I didn't have them around. Oh yeah, Lady, you're cool too...lmao

Okay, Okay, one last thing!!! I just remembered...

Sometimes people seriously need to let go of some of their pride and get over things, stop holding on so much or always expecting to be right and get angry when you're not. Sometimes you just have to realize that the world is a crazy place, shit happens all the time. Who are we to try and control it. It's stupid to get mad or bitch about things so much, which I know many many people who are like this. They try so hard to keep up walls, even when sometimes they are not needed, it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to let yourself fall. It's all part of the learning experience. Stop worrying about your image and trying to seem like this tough being or whatever and realize you're going to end up very lonely if all you can do is throw everything in someones face. Sometimes its better to just let some things go and be happy. It would suck big time if I knew I was upset all the time and just not in a good mood, can you imagine? Too much wasted energy, life is just too short. Build happy memories, not ones where you're going to look back and think, "fuck I was always so miserable."

"The things that one most wants to do are the things that are probably most worth doing."